I've always loved winning.
I've always loved the feeling of success.
I've always loved working hard.
I've always hated the feeling of failure.
I remember growing up and feeling knots in my stomach when I felt like I had failed at something- sports, school, friends. Nights before tests or events I would get so nauseous that I didn't eat and sometimes would vomit. Being scared of failure has had its benefits. I was always so terrified of not being at the top that I always seemed to make it there. In school it was with marks, sports it was being on varsity and in my professional life it was climbing up the corporate ladder.
Once I became a stay at home mom, being scared of failure was still in my mind but there was no tangible rewards such as a pay raise or an A+ on a paper. No matter how often my husband told me I was doing a great job or how many times my girls told me they loved me, I still felt something missing inside of me. I started to recognize the feeling I was missing was the feeling of my own personal success.
A couple of years ago I started signing up for an event in the winter, training through the cold months and then competing in the spring. Having my own personal goal again was just what I needed. I still have the fear of failure- probably more than I should but I also have the drive to succeed. Failure is oftentimes the gateway to success. It feels uncomfortable but it's a sign you were willing to take a risk.